STRANGE TALES FROM THE COOKIE KITCHEN

Editor’s note: Many of you will already know Val the Cookie Queen from her perfume posts here and on APJ. She’s now going to be doing something a bit different for ABR on the last Friday of each month. She’s going to be telling us stories from her colourful past that are vivid, humorous and often moving.
So get ready to take a walk on the wild side…
PSILOCYBIN TEQUILA AND A MYNA BIRD
I’m up and down the Westway, in and out the lights,
What a great traffic system, it’s so bright
I can’t think of better way to spend the night
Than speeding around beneath the yellow lights.“  
 – London’s Burning by The Clash.

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April 2 1980 saw violent clashes with police after they had raided the infamous Black and White Café on Grosvenor Road in St. Paul’sBristol.
Police officers – including several members of the drug squad – had stormed the café, suspecting drug dealing might have been going there. It ended in bloody riots and twenty-one arrests, but no one was ever convicted of any crime. It took until midnight to get it under control.  The police had to be called in from surrounding areas. Although I later lived in St Paul’s, at this point I was on the boundary and not involvedbut the atmosphere was beyond tense and I could hear the noise, smell the burning cars. 
However, this post is not about the St. Paul’s Riots, but something that happened I guess because of themTensions remained high for months.
car
Two weeks after the riots, I was alone in my flat expecting my boyfriend and some friends to turn up at any momentThere was a knock at the door and stupidly, I opened it without checking who was there. should have known better. Five drug squad cops came hurtling in through the door yelling, “We’re coming in.“ Clearly. I have no memory of asking them if they had a warrant or not, but it was too late by then anyway. They were never the friendliest of people. I was just twenty years old.
stood there holding my breath. They marched around the threebedroomed apartment, looking under chairs, lifting pillows and throwing bedcovers all over the place in a haphazard and disorganised search.  In doing so they completely buried from view a plastic bag with a few hundred blues (uhm ….diet pills) with the duvets.  I breathed out.
They regrouped in the living room after having thoroughly’ searched the rest of the apartment. There was a couple of grams of weed lying on the table, which they happily took.  On the mantelpiece was a bottle of tequila, with about two thousand liberty caps, magic mushrooms, psilocybe semilanceata, call them what you will, merrily brewing in it. It was about nine-tenths sludge and one-tenth clear tequila. On the front of the bottle we had a large sticker of a cartoon fly agaric mushroom. No one had tried it yet. The drug squad nabbed it immediately, commenting that it was the first time they had seen anything like that. They told me they couldn’t bust me with it but would take it away to be analysed and for my own safety. Right
I was charged with possession of a controlled substance and eventually fined eighty pounds. Whilst I was down the nick, the cops informed me that our Psilocybin Tequila would go on display in their little room of paraphernalia along with other stuff that had been stolen from people to help keep them safe. I wonder to this day if they still have it.  Had I been older and more secure in myself, I would have fought to get it back.  bet it’s well macerated by now….
My parents knew nothing of my double life.  Several weeks later the bust went into the newspaper, just a paragraph on one of the inside pages. 
My folks kept a myna bird in the Esso station they ran as their business.  Amongst other things that bird could mimic air brakes and trick us every time into running out to the pumps to serve truck drivers that weren’t there. When we cleaned the birdcage, it was lined with newspaper before putting sand on top. One day, my brother called me and told me he had been cleaning the cage out and after tipping the sand into the bin had seen the article on my bust, face up at the bottom of the cage. We still laugh about it today. I thought for a while I had gotten clean away with it and wouldn’t have to tell my parents.
A week after the myna bird incident, the bishop of the church I attended came up to melooked at the ground and mumbled about something in the newspaper.  Church, yes, I was brought up in a strong faith and although I chose to leave for a long period of time, I still went home most Sundays and attended church.  It made my parents happy and probably kept me from killing myself. I would comb my hair neatly over the few dreadlocks I had cultivated and off to church I would go. Really it was the faith that saved my life, but more on that in later instalments if anyone ever wants to read them.
I digressI told the bishop not to worry, it was all a big mistake and I’d had to take the rap for someone else. There was a party at my place and it was loud and the cops came and it was on the table and yeah, I was blamed.  He scuttled off never told a soul and I’m still friends with him.
However I did get totally paranoid that my folks would somehow find out, so took a deep breath and went to talk to my stepfather.  I told him the same party at my place story.  As far as I know he believed me and as far as I’m aware, didn’t tell Mum. He slipped upstairs and came down with eighty pounds. I never thanked him properly.
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Val’s stepfather and Barney the myna bird

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Val, age twenty

©CQ of APJ
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15 Comments

Filed under Stories

15 responses to “STRANGE TALES FROM THE COOKIE KITCHEN

  1. YAY! Love stories of yore. Were you in your patchouli oil wearing phase at this time?
    Portia xx

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  2. matty

    A wonderful story.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Shopped by a Myna bird, just brilliant! The whole story is as entertaining as it is extraordinary. The police hoarding your special bottle of Tequila makes me thing of Royal Mail staff impounding – and subsequently enjoying! – bottles of perfume, as I am sure they do. And in case you need some criminal company, I went to court and was fined £60 not long after this for riding my moped on the A329(M), which I mistakenly thought only had *aspirations* to be a motorway. I sold all my LPs to raise half of it, while my mum, like your stepdad, chipped in by selling a Victorian chamberpot.

    What a looker you were! Shades of Kim Wilde and Kim Basinger, but hotter than both Kims put together. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • I always need a little criminal company. That is so incredibly sad, selling your albums. And your Mum? Makes me cry. Seriously. It was only looking back on this event in my life that I really came to see what my stepfather did. Bless his heart. Yep – Barney and my brother. Otherwise I never would have known. Still cannot believe more people did not read it. But it was the smallest of pieces, thank goodness. What a joke. I did not learn to drive until I was 37 and a responsible mother of two. 🙂 xxxxxx

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  4. What a lovely man your stepfather was, Val. Thanks for sharing this story with us. What a great start. Looking forward to the next one already.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sandra

    I love the way your stepfather handled it. I need to remember to keep my cool. Great story.
    Sandra xo

    Like

  6. cassieflower

    Ha, this is brilliant, Val. I love stories from back in the day, especially the ones with a naughty aspect to them. I’m having a mental pic of the police sneaking a teeny bit of the potion and having a try – and the consequences. 🤤 I bet every reader here has a great story from their youth. I look forward to the next instalment.

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  7. Ooh, I already love this and can’t wait for the next instalment.
    That last picture of you! I’m sure you look a lot better now 😀
    And your stepfather, love the picture and his little ‘supporting character’-role in this piece.
    Thanks for sharing.

    Like

    • cookie queen

      Ahhhh. Thanks for the message Asali and for reading it. I wondered if anyone would. I’m working on the next installment. I dunno about looking better – hahahaha. 40 years older but still wearing black. My stepfather was a good man. Hugs. Xxxxxx

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  8. Pingback: Hermessence Cèdre Sambac EdT by Christine Nagel for Hermès 2018 | Australian Perfume Junkies

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